sovereign unknown

as the boys pushed up and down on the back of the car, my foot shifting between the accelerator and the brake, the smoke finally started to rise.

i was doing my first burnout.

this was not something my father would have considered a proud moment after twelve years at a catholic girls school.

but i was stoked.

the boys were stoked.

i was cool.

i scraped the rubber i’d left on the carpark and put it in a container so i could look at it later.

proof of what i’d just done.

something i’d made.

when you’re surrounded by one sex, one rule set, one approved path, you either bend to it or you build something else.

i chose the opposite.

instead of girls talking about clothes and boys, i spent my time with boys racing cars.

it wasn’t rebellion.

it felt like recognition.

i found beauty in machines.

in lines and curves.

in how colours changed the shape of a body.

in the way a car sounded.

in the way its mechanics worked together to create power.

it wasn’t about fitting in.

it was about finally standing somewhere that felt like mine.

when you suffocate parts of yourself that want to be seen, they don’t disappear.

they wait.

then they erupt.

you can’t silence your tonal codes forever.

they surface through experiences.

through the body.

through the life you build.

finding what’s truly yours is how a kingdom forms.

you don’t recognise it all at once.

some pieces are just paths.

some are thresholds.

some are lessons that carry you closer to the truth.

you only find out by moving toward it.

but it’s always there.

waiting for you to claim it.

this is kingdom.

sovereign unknown.

the moment you step into a world that answers only to you.